A mother’s love knows no limits, and Lesley Hu’s story on this episode of About Your Mother perfectly illustrates that.
Content warning: this is an incredibly emotional and painful story that contains an episode of violence that is hard to reconcile with our conscience. However, it’s also a story of hope and a mother’s love that is tested beyond comprehension.
Five years ago, to the date this episode was released, on January 13, 2021, Lesley Hu’s son, Pierce, was killed by his father in San Francisco. It’s a multi-layered story of divorce, custody, madness, and violence. Lesley bravely shares her story with us today.
Gun Violence is the Number One Killer of Children in the US
All too often, we read headlines about gun violence against children, and we feel pain and confusion, but we’re removed from it. Before we get into Lesley’s story, it’s important to note that gun violence is the number one killer of children in the US. Yes, you read that correctly.
For children who are victims of gun violence homicides, 85% of those deaths occur in the home, and nearly one-third are connected to an intimate partner or family violence.
These children aren’t just headlines. They were young lives taken in an act of violence. By sharing her story with us, Lesley gives us a chance to get closer to the unimaginable pain that she and many other mothers feel. I’m forever changed by sitting with Lesley, and I know you’ll be forever changed by our conversation, too.
The Hardest Thing Lesley Had to Do
Lesley gave birth to her only child, Pierce, at age 31. He was a honeymoon baby, but unfortunately, her marriage quickly soured. Her husband was physically present but emotionally absent. He was part of several cults and was mentally unstable, but he didn’t want help. He became a conspiracy theorist and was incredibly destructive.
Lesley’s husband became controlling, so after several attempts to save the relationship, she ended her marriage. She called her parents for support, but because of her husband’s controlling nature, she had to leave her son, Pierce, with him for a short period. She knew it would only make things worse to try to take him in that moment, yet she knew she had to get help for both of them.
Leaving Pierce with his father was the hardest thing that Lesley’s ever had to do, but she had to put her own oxygen mask on first before she could save him. She was also trying to be strategic in how she dealt with her ex-husband’s controlling nature and mental instability.
Lesley never could have imagined that her ex-husband would become violent against her son. Unfortunately, on average, a child is killed by a parent or custodial person once a week.
The Worst Happens
Lesley and her ex-husband peacefully co-parented for four years, but things went south when COVID hit in 2020. Under California law, they split custody 50/50, and Lesley was not allowed to make any medical decisions without consulting her ex-husband.
As a conspiracy theorist, Lesley’s ex-husband was an anti-vaxxer. She had to return to court and file a lawsuit against him to fight for the right to vaccinate him against COVID-19. They had a hearing with the judge on January 12, and it looked like things were starting to go Lesley’s way.
On January 13, Lesley went to pick up her son from school, but he wasn’t there. She was told he hadn’t been there all day. Terrified, she and her partner went to her ex-husband’s apartment, where he usually sat at a window “researching” on his computer. Only that morning were the shades drawn.
They called the police and were told to come into the station. The police issued an Amber Alert, and Lesley began calling everyone she and her ex-husband knew.
Eventually, the police got clearance to break into her ex-husband’s apartment, where they found Pierce and her ex-husband’s body. Her ex-husband shot Pierce in the heart before attempting to hang himself. When that failed, he shot himself.
Using Her Story to Fight For Others and Honor Pierce’s Memory
Lesley says she died on the day Pierce was killed, and she has never recovered.
Today, she shares his story as a warning signal to other parents. You can do everything right, and something so tragic and out of your control can still happen to your child.
She also shares in order to honor her son and take a stand against perpetrators. No matter what has happened to her, she won’t let them keep her down. She will not allow her son’s story to be one about victimhood. If Pierce’s story helps to protect other kids, his legacy is one of a hero, not a victim.
Founding Pierce’s Pledge
After Pierce passed, Lesley founded Pierce’s Pledge. She was inspired by a friend in family law who made it a rule that her clients must store their guns outside the home before she took them on.
Removing guns from homes is an important step in keeping children safer. Lesley decided to ask other lawyers to do the same, and with the help of friends, she launched a gun storage map three years ago.
How Grief Takes Shape
Starting Pierce’s Pledge was a way for Lesley to channel her maternal instincts into something else now that Pierce is gone. It’s also helped her with her grief, which has taken different shapes over the years.
Lesley still feels extremely connected to Pierce, and he sends her signs, such as multiple hummingbirds at her window. She still shows up to events, like recitals, as if Pierce were part of them.
Running Pierce’s Pledge allows her to say his name and share his story, keeping him an active part of her world. It’s also an outlet for her anger; she uses her work to express the rage that she can’t express against her ex-husband.
Over the years, Lesley’s grief has often led to guilt. She’s asked herself every possible question about what she could’ve done to keep Pierce safe. The reality is that she was up against a mentally unstable person, and the court system is not set up to protect her or her son.
How the System Failed Lesley and Pierce
The court system makes it extremely hard for single mothers to gain full custody of their children. Until the incident, Lesley’s ex-husband hadn’t done anything that would’ve raised alarm bells for this type of behavior. She would’ve been trapped in family court for years longer than she already was, and she was worried that her actions would cause her ex-husband to become violent against her parents.
It was a lose-lose situation, and the person who sadly paid the price was Pierce. Lesley learned firsthand that the family court system is not set up to protect children.
Say Pierce’s Name
A major source of strength for Lesley has been her circle of friends, especially the ones who continue to talk about Pierce. Oftentimes, after a tragic loss, people don’t know what to do or say, so they end up drifting away. They think that if they mention the person you lost, they will hurt you.
From Lesley’s perspective, the worst thing someone could do is not mention Pierce. Talking about him keeps him alive. Even a simple text, like: “I saw Pierce’s picture, and he’s so adorable,” is appreciated.
Lesley also relies on her community of other parents who have lost children, her family, and her fiancé.
Lesley’s Message to Parents
Lesley wants nothing more than to hug Pierce. She wishes she could experience his teenage years and beyond. She encourages all parents to stop worrying about the things that ultimately don’t matter and enjoy their time with their kids. Parents do not get a say in how much time they have with their children, a harsh truth that will fuel the rest of Lesley’s life.
Her second message is to keep children safe by removing guns from the home, especially during a contentious time, such as during a divorce.
