Is the foster care system in the US broken, or is it even worse than that? According to Rob Schreer, my guest in this episode of About Your Mother, the system is shattered and must be rebuilt.
A child enters foster care every two minutes, totaling around 700 children a day. Eighty percent of death row inmates were foster children, and only 54% of foster children graduate high school.
As a foster kid himself, Rob knows the system and its faults all too well. Listen in to learn about Rob’s story, how he turned pain into purpose through his nonprofit Comfort Cases, and the forever family he’s created with his husband and five kids.
Rob Wants More For His Children Than He Got From His Mom
Rob hasn’t seen or heard from his mother since he was 12. Their relationship was complicated, obviously. Rob’s mom did not finish high school, she was married six times, and had 10 children.
Rob is her youngest child, and he has no memories of pictures on the walls, a Christmas tree in the living room, or a cake on his birthday. Instead, he remembers that his mom did not protect him from the abuse that occurred in his household.
As a father, Rob wants to give his children more than he had growing up. He’s also dedicated his time to helping children like him who grew up in the foster care system.
Providing Comfort to Children in Foster Care
Fourteen years ago, Rob founded Comfort Cases, a non-profit that provides backpacks filled with comfort and personal care items for children entering foster care. The organization has delivered over 320,000 cases.
Rob admits that part of his desire to found the organization was selfish; he did it to heal his childhood wounds. However, what started as a healing journey has turned into something bigger than Rob, making a real impact on the lives of foster children.
Comfort Cases and Rob’s story have been in the spotlight over the years, including a viral Upworthy Video and an appearance on Ellen.
“Kids Helping Kids is the Way Our Future Will Be Bright”
Rob is adamant that today’s generation of young people will make the world a better place. He’s encouraged by the fact that they understand empathy, a word that wasn’t in his vocabulary until he was in his forties.
At one point in his parenting journey, Rob realized that he and his husband needed to establish what was important in life and their parenting messages. He wants his children to know their legacies are defined by what they give to the world, not by what they took.
Over the years, Rob’s seen his parenting shift pay off. His children are full of empathy for others and treat their neighbors well.
How a Lack of Neighborly Love Contributes to a Failing Foster Care System
Rob has lived in his house for 14 years and admits he doesn’t know most of his neighbors. While one of his neighbors refuses to speak to him because he’s gay, he recognizes that he could put in more effort to get to know the people around him.
Most people can relate to Rob’s experience; the days of knowing our neighbors and breaking bread with them feel long gone. Interestingly, there’s a link between neighborly connection and foster care.
Once a child has entered the foster care system, society has already failed because the community did not step in to help. Rather than neighbors helping a mom get on her feet, they call CPS on her.
Rob believes that the foster care system is beyond simply being broken. Broken things can be superglued back together. The foster care system is irreversibly shattered and needs to be completely rebuilt.
Nelson Mandela said it best when he said, There can be no keener revelation of a society’s soul than the way in which it treats its children.” Foster children belong to all of us, and you don’t have to know someone to love them.Turning Pain Into Purpose With Comfort Cases
When children enter foster care, often they are carrying everything important to them in a trash bag. Their journey in the foster care system, which is one filled with trauma and hurt, starts with a lack of dignity.
Rob wanted to restore foster children’s dignity, which is why he started Comfort Cases. Through the organization, children feel loved and cheered for as they navigate a difficult journey.
To make someone’s tomorrow brighter than their today, Rob believes you need to give them hope and dignity. That’s what giving them a backpack full of brand new things does for them. It’s more than a backpack; it’s something they can call their own as they walk into a stranger’s home.
Set Foster Kids Up For Financial Success
If you’re looking for a simple way to support foster kids, you can set them up for financial success after they leave the foster care system.
In most states, kids age out of foster care at 18 years old. Many of them don’t have someone to go to when they need help with a security deposit for an apartment or to co-sign a car loan. Starting insurance-bearing savings accounts for foster kids can help people leaving the foster care system gain financial security as they navigate what comes next.
One person can’t rebuild a shattered system, but you can make contributions that make a difference. It’s okay to start small. When you pick the low-hanging fruit, your tree grows taller.
Choosing Forgiveness Over Bitterness
Rob’s upbringing could have led to a life of bitterness and hurt. Instead, he chooses forgiveness. He’s forgiven both his parents for the abuse and abandonment he suffered because he realized that forgiving someone doesn’t just set them free, it also sets you free.
Instead of living in bitterness, Rob gave himself over to love. Now, he has the family he always wanted growing up. A loving husband, five children through adoption, and a beautiful life. His birthday was even redeemed when his husband threw him a massive 40th birthday celebration 20 years ago. Rob is about to turn 60, and his husband has informed him that another birthday party is in the works.
Rob wants everyone to know they can choose love and create the life they wish for.
You can learn more about Rob’s story in his book, A Forever Family.
Resources Mentioned
- Rob’s Viral Upworthy Video
- Rob’s Interview With Ellen DeGeneres
- Nelson Mandela Quote
- Educated by Tara Westover
