This is the story of a mother who made the ultimate sacrifice for her and her daughter’s freedom. In this episode, I’m joined by Namratha Stanley, author of Vineyard Melody, and wine entrepreneur. Namratha shares about her own mother’s sacrifices and the example of unconditional love she set throughout her upbringing.
At age 24, Namratha married into an abusive family and lost her sense of self. Twelve years later, after a near-death situation, Namratha escaped with her daughter and started her life over. With the support of her entire family, she made the ultimate sacrifice to live without her daughter so she could establish a new life for them in France.
Listen in as Namratha shares the challenges of her journey to freedom, the contradictions of life in India for women, and how her family supported her throughout.
Reflecting on Her Mother’s Sacrifices
Growing up, Namratha didn’t realize how much of her life her mother had given up to raise her family. Her mother married young and, as was traditional in Indian culture at the time, was asked to give up her career to be a wife and mother.
When she reflects on her childhood, Namratha realizes that her mother was always there, helping with homework and making home cooked meals. It wasn’t until she reached her 30s that Namratha reflected on all that her mother had given up.
Namratha’s mother also stepped in to help raise Namratha’s daughter when she had to leave her in India and move to France for four years. She feels incredibly privileged to have a mother who was so loving and resilient.
Losing Her Freedom in Her Marriage
When Namratha married at age 24, she was also asked to give up her career in hospitality and her dreams of becoming a chef to be a housewife. She agreed, but she was miserable in her new role and felt a real lack of self-worth.
Her in-laws controlled her life and her finances. She moved in with them and their large family and took care of everything in the home, which was a thankless job. She felt suffocated by the monotony of her new role in his family, but didn’t know how to escape. The traditionally patriarchal society in which she was brought up didn’t value women who worked outside the home.
Namratha realized that her freedom had been taken away a few weeks into her marriage, when she wanted to visit her parents. Her mother-in-law told her she wasn’t allowed to leave the house without first asking her father-in-law for permission. She was also asked to throw away her pants and only wear traditional Indian clothing.
Breaking Free From Abuse and Finding Herself Again
Before she knew it, 12 years had passed. Namratha and her husband had a daughter, and she became accustomed to her life, even though it was abusive. She felt torn between her love for her husband and the abusive family that she was part of.
The contradiction mirrors her feelings about her native culture in India. Indian culture is filled with so much beauty, wonderful food, and warm people, and yet, women do not have as much agency as men. While positive changes have taken place in recent decades to empower women, Namratha grew up witnessing women being mistreated. She knew that her situation with her in-laws was not rare.
Finally, Namratha reached a breaking point when she realized that she and her daughter were in grave danger in that household. After years of taking the abuse and hoping that one day things would change, she took matters into her own hands and escaped. That brave step broke the spell of denial that she had been living under, and her world suddenly opened up again.
Making the Ultimate Sacrifice to Live Without Her Daughter
To secure her own freedom and the safety of her daughter, Namratha had to make the heartbreaking decision to live without her daughter for a few years. Luckily, Namratha’s parents stepped in and fought to keep their granddaughter with them instead of her abusive husband.
With a plan in place, Namratha relocated to France to pursue her passion. She was doing an MBA program in wine and moved to a chateau in the French countryside for an internship. Her family, including her parents, sister, and brother-in-law, were extremely supportive and encouraged her to make the move to reclaim her life.
In a breathtaking setting, Namratha became herself. She felt calm for the first time since before her marriage, and she began to sing to herself again. She watched the sun set over the vines, spent her days in the kitchen out of enjoyment, not duty, and ate dinners in a castle with the owners of the vineyard.
Namratha knew that she could never go back to her old life. She did everything she could to make her new life work in the long term, including networking as much as possible. She started her own brand and became an entrepreneur in the wine industry.
Setting an Example For Her Daughter
Today, Namratha and her daughter have been reunited in France, and her daughter feels immense gratitude for Namratha’s bravery to create a new life for them. She witnessed her mom leave an abusive situation and start over, learning from her strength, resilience, and bravery.
Namratha’s message to anyone currently in an abusive situation is that they are capable of getting out. There will still be challenges on the other side, but they can handle them. Facing the challenges is worth it for liberation and safety. The opportunity you gain is priceless, and you’re much stronger than you know.
To learn more about Namratha’s story, read her recent memoir, Vineyard Melody.
